Say what you will about Goldilocks’ penchant for trespassing, she actually possesses a keen intuition when it comes to mattress comfort. Goldilocks didn’t settle for the first thing she found; she held out for a mattress that passed her three-question test:

1. Is it too soft?
2. Is it too firm?
3. Is it just right?

Finding a mattress that’s “just right” can change how you sleep at night and how you feel throughout the day. Understanding your comfort options – from soft to extra firm – is your starting point, but the ideal choice depends on several factors, including your sleep position and the immediate feeling you seek when you lie down.

As we demystify mattress softness and firmness, we’ll delve into what both truly mean, how they differ from support, and how materials like memory foam and pillow tops can affect how you sleep.

Channeling your inner Goldilocks and testing a mattress in person is a necessary step, but finding your fairytale mattress also requires a solid grasp of your specific sleep preferences and the comfort levels that best suit your body.

Softness vs. Firmness vs. Support

Mattress softness, firmness, and support are often used interchangeably. While all three matter when it comes to your mattress, they all do different jobs.

• Softness is the immediate plushness and surface contouring. Think of it as the initial give of a mattress.
• Firmness is how much the bed resists your weight and is measured on a scale from soft to extra firm.
• Support is how well a mattress keeps your spine aligned through the night. This comes mostly from the core (inner springs or memory foam).

A mattress can feel soft on top and still be supportive through the base. The reverse can also be true – a bed can feel firm but lose support if the core breaks down. Your best fit blends the right amount of plushness for pressure relief with a stable core that supports everything from your neck to your hips. If your mattress feels a touch too firm, a mattress topper can add some additional plushness.

Remember, a mattress is just one piece of the puzzle. Sheets, pillows, protectors, and an adjustable base can work together with your mattress to improve your overall sleep experience. Learn more in our article, Beyond the Mattress: How to Build a Better Night’s Sleep.  

Understanding Mattress Comfort Levels

Most mattresses fall somewhere on a spectrum from soft to extra firm. Understanding where a mattress sits on this scale is key to matching its surface feel with your preferred sleep position.

Pro tip: To really get a feel for these comfort levels, test out different mattress types in person to see which one aligns with your preferences.  

It’s important to clear up some common misconceptions about mattress firmness. 

• “Soft mattresses can’t be supportive.” This is incorrect. A plush surface on top of a robust core can deliver excellent alignment and pressure relief.
• “Firm mattresses are better for back pain.” This can be true, but it isn’t always the case. Many people find the most relief on medium to medium-firm mattresses, which have a more balanced blend of cushioning and support.
• “A topper can fix any mattress.” A mattress topper can refine surface feel, but it can’t rebuild a core with deteriorating support.

How Materials Determine Mattress Feel

Two mattresses with the same comfort level can feel fundamentally different depending on what they’re made of. For instance, a soft innerspring mattress isn’t going to have the same responsiveness or body conformity as a soft memory foam mattress.

Here’s a breakdown of the most common materials that make up a mattress:

• Innerspring: Pocketed coils offer targeted support and a more traditional feel that many of us grew up with. Keep an eye on coil count and gauge. A higher number of coils combined with a lower gauge generally results in a mattress that offers extra support and stands the test of time.
• Memory foam: Contours to your unique shape to provide pressure relief and personalized support. It’s important to distinguish between firmness and density, which is the foam’s weight and structural intensity. High-density foams offer more support and are the gold standard for motion isolation.
• Hybrid: These mattresses blend the support of innerspring with the body-hugging relief of memory foam. Hybrids blend a soft surface with a sturdy, responsive base and strong edges. It’s a versatile option that addresses both spinal alignment and relieves pressure on your hips, shoulders, and lower back.
• Pillow top: Adds a luxurious cushion at the surface. Pillow tops are integrated for a clean edge and can soften medium or firm mattresses. They are typically made from materials like wool, cotton, memory foam, or even latex foam.

Keep in mind that lasting comfort depends on material quality and construction. High-density foams and a well-engineered coil system will maintain their feel longer. The average mattress lifespan is 7–10 years, but you may have to get a new one sooner if you notice any unwanted changes to the mattress.

How to Choose Your Mattress Softness

Start with how you sleep, then consider your body type and comfort preferences. This simple process should keep decisions stress-free:

1. Identify your primary sleep position. Match it to the suggested comfort level in the table above (soft/medium for side sleepers, medium/medium-firm for back sleepers, firm/medium-firm for stomach sleepers).
2. Consider body weight and build. Lighter individuals don’t compress layers as deeply and can use plusher surfaces. Average-weight sleepers would benefit from the balance of a medium or medium-firm mattress. Heavier individuals usually prefer medium-firm or firm, as the robust core materials prevent sagging.
3. Pinpoint your comfort goals. Do you want to alleviate pressure or back pain? Are you currently suffering from morning aches and pains?
4. Decide on your preferences. Do you like a hugging sensation (memory foam, pillow top), a traditional feel with better airflow (innerspring), or a floating, lifted feel (hybrid)?
5. Factor in temperature. If you sleep warm, mattresses with breathable covers and gel-infused memory foam can help regulate your temperature while you sleep.

You’ll want to test a mattress in-store so you can lie on your back, side, and stomach to get a real feel for it. Pay attention to shoulder and hip comfort, whether your lower back feels supported, and how easy it is to change positions. You can also take our mattress quiz to help narrow down your options.  

Softness for Couples: Finding Common Ground

For couples with different comfort preferences, choosing a mattress that supports both needs can feel like a challenge. Fortunately, there are firmness and material recommendations to keep both partners happy and sleeping uninterrupted.

• Motion isolation: Memory foam mattresses help reduce movement transfer, which comes in handy if your partner tosses and turns throughout the night.
• Medium or medium-firm mattress: The balanced cushioning and support is a smart choice for individuals with varying comfort preferences and sleep positions.
• Temperature regulation: Ventilated foams and coil airflow will help if one or both of you sleep hot.
• Size and edge support: A king or queen mattress typically offers enough room for both partners to stretch out, while reinforced edges prevent roll-offs and give you more usable space.
• Split mattress: A split king or queen provides two sleep surfaces that can change position when paired with an adjustable base. This means you can alter the angle of one side of the mattress without disturbing the other.

The Path to a “Just Right” Mattress

No matter your sleep position or softness preference, we all share the same goal when shopping for a new mattress: deep, restorative sleep. By balancing an understanding of mattress construction with your own intuition of a “just right” feel, the path to a perfect mattress becomes crystal clear.

When all else fails, keep it simple. Prioritize your sleep position, stick to your long-term comfort goals, and trust how the mattress responds to your body in real life. Don’t be stuck with a mattress that’s too soft or too firm. By following this guide, you aren’t just buying a mattress – you’re investing in the energy and physical wellness that only a great night’s sleep can provide.